Cheaters beware... the social snitches are coming for you
TikToks that expose cheats are going mega-viral and online sleuths are having a field day
As the Princess of Wales now surely understands, the one thing the internet excels at is using its hive mind to uncover lies and solve mysteries. And while royal family conspiracy theories raged out of control this week, some other guessing games were also going viral.
The first was sparked by fitness creator Tiana Wiltshire after she posted a video to TikTok asking for help to find a woman she believed had been cheated on. She said: “If your fiancé just went on his bachelor trip to Las Vegas and was at the MGM Wet Republic pool yesterday, Sunday March 9, he cheated on you.”
Wiltshire goes on to say, “his name rhymes with Cat Saddams”, and asked for the ‘wronged’ fiancée to reach out to her.
As views for her video ticked up, so did the comments from viewers who decided that the alleged cheater was called “Matt Adams”. Armchair detectives found wedding websites and registries on Amazon and The Knot using that name. Commenters tagged women, including Shaylee Stovall and Sarah Jones, who were engaged to men called Matt Adams, but, as it turned out, hadn’t been partying in Vegas.
Within a day Wiltshire’s video had clocked up 11 million views. It’s now been watched over 24 million times and there are over 22,000 comments on the original post. Wiltshire herself added one on Tuesday claiming that the fiancée had been tracked down. So far the woman she was seeking hasn’t been named.
Stovall - who was one of the women who was misidentified - also made a TikTok video explaining what it was like to be caught up in the drama that followed Wiltshire’s video. She captioned it “wedding is on” and said that people had been “blowing our phones up” with a “tonne of likes, comments, views, DMs, messages” to the point that she believed that her phone had been hacked. Stovall was also sent a fake RSVP from someone posing as a guest to her wedding warning her not to marry her fiancé.
Then, three days ago, Samantha Marks started a similar hunt for another woman after she claimed she caught a man called “Bryan with a y” trying to cheat on his wife. Marks explained that she was sat next to “Bryan with a y” on a flight from Orlando to Chicago and watched him download the Hinge dating app and create a profile. She described his physical attributes in detail and published a covertly taken photograph of his arm and hand to show that he was wearing a silver wedding band. Marks ended the TikTok post by saying, “if this is your husband DM me on Instagram because I have pictures, I have proof”.
The video has been viewed more than six million times and Marks has created seven further videos giving updates on her mission including one that featured two full-length pictures of “Bryan with a y” from behind. Yesterday she posted a screenshot of comments from someone who claims to know “Bryan” and has messaged his wife on Instagram and Facebook. Marks trailed another update but hadn’t posted it before this edition of highly flammable was published.
While social snitching to expose cheats is newly trending, creators have gone viral for sharing what they’ve overheard before. Last September content creator Kelsey Kotzur detailed on TikTok how she’d listened in as three bridesmaids slated a bride and her wedding during brunch in a London restaurant. She described it as “sinister” as they critiqued the “ugly” flowers and the bride’s appearance. Kotzur added: “If you just got married and your colour scheme was blush and you have two blonde friends with short bobs and you have a brunette friend don’t be friends with them anymore.”
And in 2021 TikToker Drewbdoobdoo appealed for help to find “Marissa” after overhearing her friends plotting against her in New York City. Viewers worked out it was Marissa Meizz and she subsequently ditched the friends.
Social snitching videos easily and quickly go viral on TikTok because they generate thousands of comments and are frequently shared. These signals have large and positive impacts on the ranking of the video and boost the visibility of it.
The content itself is also catnip to audiences. Firstly the stories being shared are juicy. And even though viewers don’t know the people involved they love to engage in the messy drama that results from the expose. Audiences also go wild for a cliffhanger, and by their very nature these type of stories build suspense, get audiences hooked and then leave them desperate for answers.
Bonding with others over a common mission is another part of the appeal. Many commentators unite in their distaste for cheats and their desire to expose them. Some praise the video creators for being “girl’s girls” and looking out for a fellow woman. Another common refrain is that while they wouldn’t want to find out their partner was cheating on them in this way, they’d rather be informed than be in the dark.
And then there are the online sleuths who get their kicks by tracking people down. When these type of videos drop they get to work and deploy OSINT (open source intelligence) techniques to try to find the person who is being exposed. Those searches of publicly available information become companion content to the main video and often generate new videos on the same subject. The amateur FBI agents can also create further chaos by sharing private information, increasing speculation and misidentifying people.
The rewards for posting a social snitch are significant, which may explain why they’re trending. Wiltshire and Marks both raised their profiles off the back of their “TikTok, do your thing” appeals. And while both experienced some backlash I don’t get the sense that either put much thought into the ethics of putting “Matt Adams” or “Bryan with a y” on blast.
In Wiltshire’s case she’s unrepentant, saying: “I would do it again. I have no regrets.
“I’ve been cheated on… and I can’t imagine being in a position where I’m about to marry someone and spend the rest of my life with them and not know that they just slept with someone last night.”
In the case of “Bryan with a y”, the pictures that Marks posted of him at the airport and of his wedding band were invasions of his privacy. She hasn’t commented on the morality of her actions other than to say that she would also have exposed a woman if she had seen her do the same thing. Marks did post a collage of comments from viewers who were critical of what she did.
Both Wiltshire and Marks reject that they are “snitches” but it does feel like an appropriate title given their role as informers and the way they observed their targets. Snitch, of course, comes with negative connotations so maybe they’d prefer “truth tellers” or “reporters”, but neither feels like the right fit.
If the trend for social snitching continues then it throws up many complex questions beyond what we should call those who do it. Will the threat of being exposed on TikTok like “Matt Adams” or “Bryan with a y” change the way people behave in public? Will social snitching act as a deterrent to those inclined to be unfaithful? Could social snitching cause real life harm to those caught up in the frenzy that follows them? What about the people who are falsely identified or accused? What recourse is there for them? And what about those who are damaged or exposed by the actions of online sleuths? Their wild speculation is often off base. And how sure can the person who posts a social snitch be that what they’re sharing is definitely true? It’s hearsay after all.
Despite this I’m confident we’ll see more, not less, social snitching. The rewards for creators are too great when they keep going viral.
What are your thoughts on social snitches? Share your view in the comments below.
This week I’ve been…
OBSESSING OVER: Barbie actor Simu Liu showing every famous person how to do relatable social media while giving us the Oscar party details we need
WATCHING: The Gentleman on Netflix for the aristo aesthetics, Guy Ritchie gangster shenanigans but mainly Theo James
EATING: Some of the finest Thai food I’ve has ever passed my lips at Farang in Highbury, London. It was all stellar, but I’m still thinking about the coconut chilli jam.
highly flammable is produced and written by Rachel Richardson. She’s a content creator, commentator and consultant at Beginning, Middle and End. Want more? Check out Threads, Twitter/X and Instagram.
Kinda scary, how a mob of internet people can be so easily lured into “saving” someone, while most likely actually “ruining” someone. There’s a widespread need, a pang, for people to do what feels like the right thing; more often than not, it is bald judgmentalism, where it is easier (and feels better) to destroy rather than to build.