The problem with TikTok boyfriends
Jett, Lucky and Braxton are hailed as the reason women should "never settle" but they’re being sold a fairytale
If you spend even a small amount of time on TikTok you’ll encounter one, or maybe all three, of the men that many heterosexual women have declared set “the standard” for how a partner should behave.
“How do I find a Braxton?”
“I need a Jett”
“If he doesn’t do it like Lucky Blue Smith I don’t want him”
Comments like this are ubiquitous on the accounts of TikTok queens Alix Earle, Campbell Puckett (aka Pookie) and Nara Smith. All three women enjoy enormous female followings with over 17 million fans between them. Their viewers watch their every move, but they also have an eye on their significant others and they like what they see.
The men - Braxton Berrios, 28, Jett Puckett, 33, and 26-year-old Lucky Blue Smith - are regulars on the women’s TikTok channels, in part because viewers love them.
It’s not that fans necessarily find them physically attractive, they’re instead obsessed with how they treat their partners like “queens”.
The plaudits the men receive for the way they love their partners is reminiscent of pop culture Prince Charmings like The Addams Family’s Gomez. But Berrios, Puckett and Smith are real people and according to psychotherapist Gretchen Robertson that’s where it gets problematic.
“A lot of people look at this content and accept it literally. They don't think of it as a performance,” she says, adding that, “content from a TikTok couple is edited and often produced to be a very specific way”.
As we’ve seen with the recent revelations from Ballerina Farm, TikTok viewers don’t always question how or why their favourite creator portrays their life in a certain way. And in the case of these beloved men, fans are quick to label them in glowing terms, categorising them as romantics, Golden Retriever boyfriends and hype men.
The female gaze may have a lot to do with why they perceive them this way. None of the three are particularly active in their own right on TikTok so viewers likely only see them through the lens of their girlfriend or wife. These are men who are, quite literally, written by women for other women.
Alix Earle’s partner Braxton, a wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins football team, is frequently praised for his patience, loving her for who she is and respecting the close bond she has with her girl friends. Videos like this one captioned: “My boyfriend deserves an award for dealing with drunk me” where he carries her back to their hotel is catnip to those who see Braxton as “the standard”.
And Earle, 23, clearly enjoys how Berrios is perceived, often responding in agreement to comments that celebrate how well he treats her.
In Nara Smith’s case, her model husband Lucky is lauded as a man who helps out with cooking and the kids while also being obsessed with his wife.
Videos like this one of Nara, 23, and Lucky taste testing ice cream had fans in a spin over their connection and sexual chemistry, something that is often commented on by viewers.
With Campbell Puckett, who’s better known by the nickname Pookie, there’s a slightly different dynamic. The 32-year-old was a mid-sized creator with around 200,000 followers who focussed on fashion and lifestyle content. In January this year she went viral after husband Jett stole the show in a fit check TikTok.
Fans demanded more Jett content, he coined catchphrases like “quintessential”, “I don’t shop, I buy” and “Pookie looks fire” and now the account focuses almost exclusively on them as a couple. From a growth perspective the pivot paid off as Pookie, 32, now has over one million followers.
Jett, who works in private equity, has attracted praise for his “green flag” behaviours which include showering Pookie with compliments, frequently giving her extravagant gifts and gassing her up like he does in this video.
It’s easy to see why so many viewers are enchanted by the portrayals of these men, especially when single women’s experience of dating is so bad their stories are going viral. But consuming this content without questioning whether it’s representative can also create issues.
“I've worked with clients who were very triggered by seeing relationships with Prince Charming type characters because they would then see their own relationship as sub par and not being enough,” says Robertson.
“It makes individuals feel bad about what they can achieve, what their life looks like. It also feeds into insecurities and mental health vulnerabilities.”
Robertson argues that rather than looking at these relationships as ‘real’ and ‘ideal’ it would be healthier to watch TikTokers who share their lives in the same way we watch scripted reality shows like The Kardashians. She says that Earle, Puckett and Smith are executive producers of their TikToks in the same way the Kardashian family are of their Hulu show.
“We all have a responsibility to recognise that content from your favourite TikTok couple is not going to all be real,” says Robertson. “Someone could watch every one of their videos and still have no idea what their relationship is really like.”
The way people can be edited to fit a character or trope is also a concern of Robertson’s. She said: “TikTok’s are created for entertainment. What viewers see is rarely a random moment in their life. It’s edited and manufactured to be a perfectly presented snippet of their life and anyone can look amazing for a few seconds.”
Creators who are motivated by money and sponsorship deals are much more likely to sell viewers a dream as that’s what brands want to be a part of.
“The heart of the problem is that we’ve monetised relationships,” says Robertson. She flagged Nara and Lucky Blue Smith as an example of “two very beautiful people who have created a fairytale”.
While I doubt Earle, Smith and Puckett have entirely invented their partner’s personas it’s hard to imagine that they are as perfect as they make them out to be. They will disagree and have crossed words like every other couple. And maybe they don’t realise that while advertisers might want the fantasy viewers actually love the messy stuff too.
This week I’ve been…
OBSESSED WITH: Pommel Horse Guy, how much the “glasses community” love Pommel Horse Guy and Pommel Horse Guy with a Rubik’s Cube
READING: ‘Do you mind listening to that with headphones?’ from Hannah Ewens
BUYING: This cute Nobody’s Child denim dress after being influenced by
and her must-read newsletter . I paid full price but it’s now on sale!highly flammable is produced and written by Rachel Richardson.
She’s a content creator, commentator and consultant at Beginning, Middle and End.
So funny I was engrossed reading this and screen swiped and was like why’s that dress coming up I wanna see this Pookie couple etc didn’t even realise you’d given us a shout 😂😂 thanks for the love gorgeous girl 😍
I don’t know if it’s just me Rachel, but the idea alone of scripted TikTok relationships just drives me down the cringe hole. It’s the removal of the fourth wall in its entirety that makes it so utterly fake, and actually, a little depressing.